I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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