I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
whose parrot is this?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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