Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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