it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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