I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
