Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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