i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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