Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
