We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
