the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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