I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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