'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize