My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
