So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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