I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
