no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
