Who wears a wallet chain?!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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