I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
