but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
