She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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