I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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