Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
This is my gift to your gina
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
