If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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