i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
