guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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