So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
