he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
