you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
