Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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