its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Randomize
