I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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