We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
