I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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