i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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