so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
