No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
