I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
