So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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