Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
