I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
