I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
