just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
