bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We are all done wearing pants today
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
