i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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