Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
