I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
