fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
