i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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