This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
