I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize