Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize