Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
ok first of all what the fuck
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