Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize