He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
