People in love make me want to vomit
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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