We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
