just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
