I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
