Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
