Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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