I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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