we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
