1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
