Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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