Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize