Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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