It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize