Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
