I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
