Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
