I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
