once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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